


Shimmering, Sparkling

by through-the-stars-to-the-pavement (delicate_mageflower)



Series: Sun, Stars, Earth [11]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: An Ode to Otterpenguins and Turtleducks, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hakoda Appreciation Life, Hakuddles, Hurt/Comfort, I just love them, I love this OT3 so much oh my god, Izumi has five parents, M/M, Multi, Ozai is The Worst™, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Hundred Year War - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Sacred Art of Stewed Sea Prunes, Zuko is a great dad, because zuko, dadkoda, i am soft, i am trash, i have emotions, there is so much love here don't look at me, they WILL live happily ever after because I DEMAND IT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicate_mageflower/pseuds/through-the-stars-to-the-pavement
Summary: Izumi goes penguin sledding.
Relationships: Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Sun, Stars, Earth [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967482
Comments: 14
Kudos: 141





	Shimmering, Sparkling

Penguin sledding.

Izumi is going penguin sledding.

Zuko is trying not to lose his fucking mind.

Sokka is with her. Sokka grew up doing this. Sokka promises she’ll be safe, that he and Katara did this as kids, too, and now Katara and Aang do it with their kids so this is nothing new and everyone’s always fine. But Zuko isn’t fine.

Hakoda tries to keep him distracted.

Suki went with her, too. But Zuko couldn’t, because all Zuko can think about is what could go wrong, what happens if Izumi gets hurt. And he wants her to have fun and be happy, he wants her to be safe and protected, and part of that means protecting her from his mental state.

She is still too young to know about his nightmares. She is still too young to have to see how much being a dad scares him. She is still too young to worry about his anxiety or anything else he deals with.

So he doesn’t even try to watch, because he is in a panic and he doesn’t want her to see that.

He feels terrible missing out on her having the time of her life here, having to actively make the conscious decision to step away from his daughter enjoying herself. But she is still so young and does still have two of her parents with her, so she likely won’t even notice. Which is a slight relief, at least until he can’t get away with it anymore.

Hakoda wraps an arm around Zuko. A silent reminder. That he understands the trials of fatherhood. That he understands his fears. That he had to deal with his kids riding otter-penguins, too. That he’s ridden plenty, himself, and probably terrified his own parents but turned out fine. And, most importantly, that he is here for Zuko and loves him as one of his own.

Loving Zuko is an adventure. It is worth every step of hardship that comes with it, even though he’ll never believe that.

Zuko shows affection surprisingly easily. He does not hesitate to tell people he loves them. He offers his whole heart to those who hold it. Accepting love and affection, on the other hand, is the challenge.

Even after all these years, it is reflexive to flinch when Hakoda’s arm comes at him. He is offering comfort and support, he never has and never would move on Zuko in a violent manner, and Zuko knows this, but to this day he sees a father’s hand and his instincts kick in, and they are not kind.

Zuko is a gentle soul, no matter how hard Ozai had tried to beat that out of him. He is a gentle soul with a kind heart, and he is far more fragile than most people need to know.

He does allow himself to fall against Hakoda’s physical support, to slump into his side as he tries not to explode. He isn’t Fire Lord here. He is Zuko, a person, a father and a husband and a son-in-law. He can be just Zuko right now.

Hakoda is a very physical person. Spending any amount of time with the man makes it very clear where Sokka gets just about _everything_ from. Sokka is also often excessively touchy feely, which Zuko has learned to embrace over their decade together, but he still has to remember such behavior is also safe when the same kind of gestures come from his father.

But Zuko is learning that a father’s touch can be an act of love. He experiences this with Hakoda, as well as with Iroh when he’s honest about the true nature of their relationship. He experiences this watching Sokka with their daughter, how good he is as Izumi’s other father. And he prays and prays he experiences this when interacting with their daughter, himself, acting as a loving father to her, too.

Everyone tells him what a great dad he is.

But right now he really hates his having to hold himself back for her, his hiding so she can have fun and be happy.

Zuko’s shaking is not from the cold. Between his layers upon layers _and_ his temperature control through firebending, he’s doing pretty well on that front (far better than Suki, for that matter, which everyone has been laughing about, since being from so far south in the Earth Kingdom anyone would have just assumed she would be able to take it exponentially better than the leader of the perpetually ridiculously sweltering Fire Nation).

Hakoda tries to keep him distracted and part of that is acknowledging there is _nothing_ he can say. Speaking may, in fact, only force Zuko to turn further inward and make everything worse. So he does not use his words, and offers the only useful assurance he has.

Zuko can hear some straggling otter-penguins squawking nearby. He misses the comforting quacks of the turtleducks. But this is where Sokka finds his comfort, the otter-penguins is where Sokka finds his familiarity.

Sokka didn’t have the easiest—or longest—childhood, either. Zuko is not going to deny him sharing what little fun he did have with Izumi. This probably feels to Sokka much like feeding turtleducks with Izumi feels to Zuko.

And Sokka is there, and Suki is there. She has two parents who love her with their whole hearts to keep her safe. Zuko tries to remember this. Zuko tries to focus.

He catches a few tears falling down his cheeks and they turn to steam.

Being able to cry with Hakoda means Zuko trusts him. There is no greater indicator of how safe and comfortable Zuko feels with another person than that. But he still doesn’t want to. Not right now. He doesn’t know when his spouses and their daughter will return, and he doesn’t want Izumi to see him cry.

“Look, son.”

Hakoda always speaks to Zuko like he’s his. He has for a long, long time. It never gets old to Zuko, never means any less to him.

And he sees what his father-in-law is pointing to: Sokka and Suki running towards them, holding one hand each of the giddy and giggly little girl between them.

Zuko runs to meet them, scoops Izumi up into his arms, holds her so tight as he puts every ounce of energy he possesses into not sobbing upon seeing her safe.

“That was so much fun!” Izumi is so happy. She is so, so happy. It’s all Zuko could ask for.

“Terrifying, but yes, fun,” Suki agrees, laughing.

“Why didn’t you come with us?” No one warned Zuko how inquisitive children can be. Sokka will laugh and say she takes after him in that regard, but Zuko was not prepared for this. His childhood consisted of sitting down and shutting up and trying not to anger Ozai, he didn’t get to speak freely and he certainly didn’t get to question an adult’s behavior. But that’s not how Izumi is raised and Zuko hadn’t stopped to consider how curious and talkative kids can be when their parents aren’t repressing their voices.

“He was busy with Gramp Gramp, isn’t that right?” Sokka kisses Zuko’s right cheek, and then steps aside so Suki can do the same.

“He was helping me bring in the fish, yes,” Hakoda smiles. There are no fish. They didn’t make any effort to catch anything today. They did not touch a single sea creature. But that’s fine, and Zuko is grateful for the assistance.

Everyone constantly reminds him he can’t keep her safe from everything forever, but he will do all he can for as long as he’s alive.

“Hey, Izumi, how would you like to learn how to make stewed sea prunes? They’re a Water Tribe delicacy.” Hakoda smirks at Zuko. Now he knows she’s fine, he can take some time to calm down.

“And an, umm, _acquired_ taste,” Suki laughs.

“Better let her acquire it young, then!” Sokka follows excitedly.

Zuko actually genuinely likes them. Always has. Maybe it’s just because he does connect them with Sokka and that got him over whatever gap in enjoying them everyone else who didn’t grow up eating them seems to have. But he chuckles and sets Izumi down to join her grandfather in cooking.

Hakoda puts a hand on Zuko’s shoulder and squeezes it, and then they part ways for the time being.

And just as Sokka and Suki expected, as soon as they get back to their room Zuko starts crying in earnest.

“It’s okay, love,” Sokka tells him immediately.

“I’m a fucking awful father. I’m terrible. I fucking abandoned her today. Because I’m weak.”

“Oh no, no, no, no, no,” Suki steps in. “No, love, no. That’s not fair, babe. That’s not fair to you at all, Zuko.”

Loving Zuko can be heartbreaking.

“I was too fucking scared and I didn’t want her to see that, but what if something _had_ happened? Then I wouldn’t have been there when she needed me. I love her so much but I’m so fucking weak, I should never have been allowed to…”

That’s Ozai’s voice in his head, even all these years later. That’s Ozai’s voice in his head and if there was a way to punch it out of him without actually hurting _him,_ neither Sokka nor Suki would hesitate.

And the worst part is the biggest reason he is so heavily berating himself about his skills as a father and it being a role he doesn’t believe he should have is because of a man who _legitimately_ should never have been allowed to attempt to raise children.

“Nothing _did_ happen,” Suki says gently. “And if something had, Sokka and I were there. She wasn’t alone. And you know that, babe. One of us would have gotten you, but without you there she was still loved and cared for in any way she could have needed. And if that wasn’t the case, you would have made yourself go. I know you would have. It’s okay, Zuko. You’re not weak. You love so much and so hard, and that is _not_ weakness.”

Thank the spirits Hakoda had the foresight to sweep Izumi away as soon as she got back. He surely knew this was coming. Anyone who loves Zuko would be able to predict this.

Loving Zuko can be work, but the work is never bitter and it is oh so rewarding.

And being loved by Zuko is the greatest gift. It is an honor.

Zuko’s shoulders heave as he sinks into the bed, and Sokka and Suki moving to surround him is instinctual, a familiar dance made automatic by years of repetition.

They all hope Izumi never has to realize how extraordinarily lucky she is to be loved so deeply. But she is, she is _so lucky,_ and they all (Mai and Ty Lee included) equally hope perhaps one day they’ll get through to Zuko when they tell him this without him only agreeing on the count of her other parents and refusing to acknowledge they clearly mean him.

Loving Zuko can be so easy. The act, the feeling itself comes so naturally. It doesn’t make sense to either of his spouses how anyone could meet Zuko and _not_ fall in love with him (as long as they’re attracted to men, anyway, but even Mai would be inclined to agree with them despite her own attempt at a romantic relationship with Zuko being doomed from the start thanks to her being a giant lesbian, as a case in point).

He warms them as they comfort him, giving all he can of himself while they let him cry and long to heal his hurt.

They hold each other close. All three of them. And Izumi will join them here later. Their daughter, so beloved.

So beloved, just like Zuko.

***

Izumi is young enough that it is not too late to count her as being raised with sea prunes.

And she _likes them._ Sokka is so happy.

It was a good idea to have her help Hakoda make them, even independent of Zuko’s minor breakdown. She is _so proud of herself_ for her part in the cooking and the smile that brings to her face, with how much everyone is enjoying them (Suki’s reaction is a little forced yet, but they are slowly growing on her), is priceless.

But it does help, too, that her joy in this brings so much joy in turn much to Zuko.

There’s fish, too (today’s fish was a lie but they’ve had some impressive hauls lately, so there _is_ plenty of fish to go around anyway), and Zuko delights in sharing the Fire Nation spices they brought with them with Izumi, which they use to season (only the fish, though, not the sea prunes; the sea prunes are sacred). Sokka teases Hakoda by adding some spice to his, as well, albeit nowhere near as much as Zuko or Izumi do, and Hakoda just makes a face and then a joke about his son’s traitorous taste buds assimilating too well to Fire Nation cuisine. Suki takes some, too, but Hakoda _vehemently_ declines. He has tried this seasoning before, and it is just _not_ for him.

It is a lovely dinner, all in all, the five of them around a well maintained fire (thanks to Zuko), laughing and eating, and it’s almost like the sadness and guilt of this afternoon’s spiral never happened. It did, of course, and all of the adults present are keenly aware of this, but it’s _okay._ It does not disrupt their evening. It does not take anyone away from Izumi now (and the looks Sokka and Suki keep flashing at Zuko trying to silently tell him this are lost on no one).

And Zuko has calmed down enough that, at least for the time being, he can recognize the irony of having his own ability to parent questioned by the echoes of the voices of the man he himself has called the worst father in the history of fathers. Zuko can, at least for the time being, recognize how important it is he truly loves his child and that he cares so much about her happiness. That alone separates him from Ozai to an astronomical degree.

Zuko remembers how outraged some of his more old fashioned staffers were whenever it was made clear Izumi would never bow to him, not even in the plaza or the throne room. He is not just going to be the Fire Lord to her. Just like her parents do the majority of the actual upbringing, how she will never be shipped off to boarding school and nannies are only used as babysitters, not as full time caretakers.

Zuko is an incredible father. It would be amazing if he could see it, but his inability does not change the fact. He is an incredible father and an incredible husband, and it’s always so lovely to see him in moments like these, when he lets his hair down both figuratively and literally, when he lets himself take a break. When he gets to be a person. He is a great leader, he is exactly what the Fire Nation needs, but how much he relaxes when he doesn’t have to be in charge is truly a sight to behold.

The amount of love in this small circle is astounding, and the genuine nature of everyone’s smiles is beautiful. Sokka and Suki needed the vacation, too, and taking Izumi to the South Pole always fills Sokka with a special level of delight.

And spirits know how fucking _pretty_ both Suki and Zuko look in blue.

Once they’re done eating, they stay out talking by the fire a while. Izumi rushes to Zuko, sits in his lap and eventually falls asleep in his arms. Because she loves him. Because she trusts him. Because she is not him, and he does all he can to see to it that she never will be.

He is a great father. They all tell him. It is difficult to listen, to believe. But he tries.

Loving Zuko is breathtaking. Zuko himself is a miracle. To have overcome so much, to have survived and turned into the person he is…

Loving Zuko openly is magnificent.

Loving Sokka openly is a dream come true. Loving Suki openly is sublime. Zuko’s heart is so full of them, constantly overcome by his devotion and appreciation.

And Izumi…Izumi is an angel, flawless and resplendent, yet another bright star of the many which have come to fill in what had once been the deep and endless void of Zuko’s emotional night sky. Emptiness has been replaced by so much marvel. It does not fix, but it soothes.

Iroh reveres the spirits. Maybe that is why they’ve blessed Zuko so.

Izumi sleeps between Zuko and Sokka, as Suki could not pry herself away from Zuko’s body heat so no one had to choose.

Zuko focuses on the moment, meditates on the here and now. All of the love in the life he’s made. He holds onto this, promises he’ll make himself remember later _precisely_ how this feels.

He falls asleep surprisingly easily. All four of them do.

It is impossible not to be absorbed into it. It is impossible not to revel.

Even if only for a night, they may all allow themselves to fall into that revelling. This is both reality and reverie.

And even if only for a night, nothing else matters. But nothing could matter as much as this, tonight or any other night.

A sky full of stars. Shimmering, sparkling.

Brilliant, radiant.

Everything.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write something new real quick because without this I had 47 works and I hate sevens and numbers that end in seven, and I had been working on this one for a bit but then numbers happened so in the end this was a bit of a rush job, lol. But I legit think about Zuko as a dad literally every single day of my life and it gives me so many feels, therefore...this.


End file.
